Friday, 27 March 2009

In the same boat and feeling green

As a beginning teacher in my first term of my first year, I often feel like I am not doing enough quality teaching, not enough publishing, not enough assessment, not enough maths, not good enough programmes, generally stressed and feeling somewhat inadequate. Granted I don't feel this all the time, and granted I know I am not really inadequate. I love my job and my students, but I work myself to the bone, day, night and weekends and still feel like I'm speeding the wrong way down a motorway.

I look around at the other experienced teachers and wonder if I'll every managed to seem so in control and confident. I admire the teachers I meet on the web, and envy the ease they seem to integrate all the marvellous ICT into their teaching and learning. I know it will get easier and less stressful, I know I have joined this profession because I love making a difference in children’s lives, but at what cost. After 8 weeks I feel excited, exhausted and so so green, on a rocking boat, on a stormy sea.

Thank goodness for other beginning teachers. I think every beginning teacher should have a fellow beginning teacher to complain to, compare stories with and have a shoulder to cry on (thanks Karrie, you are mine even when I snap at you). I also find the beginning teachers university course a fantastic sharing and emotional blow-out space.

What I have discovered through this process of sharing with other beginning teachers is that I am not alone! We all feel the same inadequacies, stresses and feelings of drowning in paperwork and behaviour management while trying to teach to the incredibly huge standards beginning teachers seem to have for themselves. If there are any other BT's out there reading this, it's ok, you are not the only one. We have to remember that Rome was not built in a day and even though Term one already nears the end, we still have the whole year to take our students to the stars and make a world of difference.

On this note I’ll put my work aside for the night and go spend it with my partner, who is a fountain of patience and understanding, lucky me.

Image by Ottoman42